Dear Black Men

Why do you hate us? What has happened, what shift was made, what bond was broken so severely for you to cast us so terribly, shamefully low in your minds? 

I start this post with this question intentionally, though it may spark some anger. I am, in no means an expert on absolutely anything, but I have reached a point where I can say with full clarity and confidence that niggas aint shit. Now I think it's important to understand and unpack a few things, black men. We as black women love the living shit out of you. We gave birth to you, we cared for and nurtured you, so tell me again how I ain't loyal? Tell me again that I am too loud, too crazy, too ghetto, when your European girlfriend uses AAVE to sound edgy to her friends, and is "evolving" cause she has a fat ass? Hmm. 

At this point I feel it necessary to make a distinction between a few things. I am not bitter, I am not crazy, and I sure as shit am not jealous of little Becky and her struggle cornrows. Never have been, never will be. I am just perplexed. I don't understand why I have watched so many mothers, aunts, friends get disrespected by the black men in their lives. Why us specifically? I have so many questions, but these come to mind initially:

Do we remind you of your mothers? What is so repulsive about our 4C hair and monoracial skin? Why do I have to stumble upon a craigslist ad titled: "BBC Seeks Asian or White Women" posted by the man who slept in peace against my breast the night before? Why must we be mixed, diluted, lightened, to be good enough for you?

On the reverse of that, since you hate us so much then why are we under constant surveillance by you? Why do you police our bodies, neatly categorizing us to "good girls", and "unloyal hoes". Is your level of thinking really so surface? If we cannot earn your respect and love, then must we be grateful at the sexualization that comes with body/slut shaming? At this point you know and understand the double standard between promiscuous men and promiscuous women, so why perpetrate such an obviously unfair and untrue notion?

I unfortunately cannot answer these questions, and I cannot undo the damage that has been done - I cannot fix something that I did not break. What I can do is protect and honor my black sisters and let them know that we do not need to pander for the love we think we deserve. We were born this way for a reason. We are stronger for a reason. 

No one is saying that you cannot date or have interests beyond your race. But I am saying enough. Fathers, brothers, boyfriends: protect us. Our greatest enemy should not be our other halves. Do not contribute, knowingly or otherwise,  to the destruction of the identities we were able to cultivate for ourselves. Do not shame our miraculous ability to be carefree and open and loving with our bodies and our sexualities despite every book, magazine, movie, TV show, print ad, telling us that us that we are subpar. If you are truly incapable of loving us and our blackness then let us live in peace. Stop hurting us. Let us thrive. We love you, but we are not our mothers. We will not bow in obedience for fear of being left. We  have created niches and enclaves where our own kind of magic can thrive. Where we can be whatever shape, shade and level of hoe that we want. We are finally, finally finding happiness and love with ourselves, and with each other. I encourage you to do the same.