June 4, 2017

For my best friends, on my 21st birthday


You knew you'd be first, didn't you?

I love you T. You know this because I tell you it multiple times a day and demand you say it back. (Now!) You don't know this, but I think of you as my reward for enduring the relationship that I was in when you met me. We became friends at the exact time my relationship ended, and that day where he left and you saw him walk away while you were on your way to me stands as a literal metaphor for that period in my life. 

You reintroduced me to true love. I had forgotten that I was lovable, someone people wanted to be friends with; wanted to be around, and our friendship reminded me of that. 

Thank you for welcoming me into your friend group, where I met my Blackies Chantal and Britney whose friendships and laughter quite literally saved my life that December. 

You're my best friend, my daughter, my sister and my boyfriend all at the same damn time. I'm so happy we chose each other, and that the universe gave us both a break by allowing us to cross paths. I'm also sorry that I slick didn't like you for the first two years of university, but we made up for it, I think. 


Chloe aka Chloli aka Chloleaf  aka Delbert aka Soulja Pervy



I... am obsessed with you. In the realest, creepiest, hot-heavy-breathing-est way possible. You are my best friend and one of the loves of my lives. When you are not there, I tell people you are one of my soulmates. You are. 

I understand that you don't generally love too many people, and I am so very happy to be apart of that exclusive little club.

You were one of the people that helped me survive high school. You've seen me through abuse, heart ache and a total and complete loss of myself. Your ability to remain my friend (and try so hard to reason with me while I was lost in my own blindness) means more to me than I can possibly put into words. 

We've been friends for a long time, and I truly believe that you are one of the few people who truly understands me. We have the same dead sense of humor, and secret lack of basic morals. Sista-sistaaaa.

You're a fucking star. Resilient, strong and the smartest person I know. I would be so lost without you. 

I loooOOoooOOove you.


Chloe aka Chlamydia aka Chlorine 

P.S are you still weird about calling me "Chlo"? It's been years, fam.



My annoying, gorgeous lil crazy ass bitch. We've been doing the same weird, crusty shit together since grade 9. You are quite literally the definition of "always down". 

Thank you for sticking by me, and telling me how it is (even though I always want to fight you). You've seen me through sooo much shit, and talked me off of many ledges in life. You have saved my life on more than one occasion. 

Even though we can't see each other as much as possible, and are usually too busy dying in school to talk as often as we should, know that I love you so much. Probably a little too much. 

I know you don't fucks with that soft shit, so I'll keep this one quick. I love yewwww my Beeshka.


Chloe aka Bite Sized Bitch #2 aka "Nasty"



My Su-Su! No one quite understands me like you do. We are absolute soul mates, and you have no idea how grateful I am to call you one of my best friends. 

You are my go-to for gossip, future plans and any and all type of mess. From helping me plan my non-existent wedding since the 10th grade, to being my highly inappropriate dance partner at any given function, you've been there for me like no other. 

You're one of my partners in crime, and favourite people on this planet. I love you so much, and will always support anything you do. And I'm not even just saying this so that I can live in your condo if I don't become internet famous. 

We have a bond that not a lot of people are able to find in life, and for that I am so grateful. You are the Nene to my Kim, except we're both Nene. 

I love you in the realist way possible.


Chloe aka Deen aka Fellow Alcoholic 



I still love you.


Chloe aka Red Wiggle



We've been friends since we were 5, bitch. FIVE. We've watched each other grow up, been together through relationships, fights, classes, lost virginities , everything. 

I wish our schedules would align more so we could spend more time together, but we're both grinding our asses off out here trying to do better. 

No one can ever take the place of my Jon, we have too many memories behind us and hopefully so many more to come. 

I love you, baldie. 


Chloe aka Mochahontas 



You can't possibly understand how much I love you, and I'm kind of happy about that cause you might be a little creeped out if you knew. 

You are my baby. My little bestie, the coolest kid there was. I wish I can be better for you, but I'm trying to hard to be something so that you can have everything. Everything I'm doing out here is for you, and I hope that if success does find me, that you'll understand that. 

I'm sorry I'm not a better sister. I'm sorry I don't call as often as I should, I'm sorry the Netflix doesn't get paid sometimes. Sorry I'm always tired, sorry I get snippy sometimes, sorry I fall asleep before we can make rice crispies, sorry I don't want to ride bikes when you do. I know you may not understand a lot of why things are the way the are sometimes, but thank you for loving me the way you do. It won't be like this forever, I promise. 

I know that our friendship can only get stronger as we both get older and can understand how the world works a little better. 

I'll never judge you, you will always have me even if you have no one else in the world. I'll show you everything I've written one day, and I hope you can be proud of me. 

I love you so much. 



Chloe aka Bowee



Thank you for sticking around long enough to find out that you might love me a little bit. Thank you for kicking my ass when I need it, and never (ever, ever, ever) being afraid to tell it like it is. You have no idea how badly I needed someone like you in my life. 

Thank fuck that you were my roommate, but also thank fuck that we aren't roommates anymore cause I'm sure you would've smothered me in my sleep by now. 

You are one of the smartest people ever. I truly think you might know almost everything. The extremely old Gandalf to my Bilbo.

You deserve far more than you know. 

I love you.


Chloe aka Dirty Bitch aka Dirt Squirrel aka Horny Little Toad