Things to Do Instead of F*ck : A Hoe's Post-Break Up Guide to Navigating Heartbreak

Alright, so we’ve found ourselves here once more. Pasting up the rips on our bloody hearts with tears and cum. It’s a hopeless romantics worst lucid dream: another failed relationship.

After all the energy, laughter, fights, and straight up bullshit that you had to deal with before calling it quits, the aftermath of a breakup can leave you feeling quite empty… and horny.

Let’s be real, we are fluid sexual beings, and when a relationship ends abruptly a lot of things take some adjusting to; especially the sudden end of what was (hopefully) a pretty decent physical relationship. And God damn if the body doesn’t remember and crave the touches it once yearned for.

What we fail to realize a lot of the time, however, is that there are many more risks than STD’s or pregnancy that we procure when we recklessly throw our bits to the wind. Like everything, sex is an energy transfer. One that we should not take lightly, as the people we allow in our womb/sacral space can linger and last even long after the interaction is over.

If you’re in the same boat as me, and the relationship was an unhealthy, abusive one, then this read is for you, too. You, especially.

I once lived by the ole “get under em to get over em” rule, and I’m here to tell you that that is definitely not the wave. Our focus should be on intense, sacred self care. And I’m gonna tell you how:

1. Feel Da Feels

It’s ridiculously easy to reach for the bottle or the bong (or blunt) when dealing with a break up. For most of us, this is a knee-jerk coping mechanism. But I need us to see that for what it is: coping, not healing. Instead of flooding our bodies and minds with substances that merely distract us from our pain, we should instead choose this opportunity to express radical self-acceptance. This means that we are not shying away or hiding from the parts of us that are hurting. Instead, we are looking our droopy-eyed selves in the face, saying “Fuck, I’m sad” and really going deep into that feeling.

The worst experiences are still lessons, and it may be difficult to see this when we’re in the thick of things. Get to know your sad-shadow self by writing loving letters to yourself, talking to yourself sweetly in the mirror, journaling, or even just.. laying there. It seems insufferable, but the more we allow ourselves to be present and show up for our heartbreak, the more we learn about ourselves and our patterns, and the better equipped we are to deal with future pain.

2. Womb/Sacral Healing

Our womb or sacral space holds incredible energy. Whether or not you were monogamous with your partner, their energy still lingers in your body, and if the relationship were a toxic one, we’re gonna want to get that out. Pronto.

With healing, like everything, there is simply no such thing as a “quick fix'“. This process will take time, and will likely be an intense one. But, there are many ways to facilitate healing in your sacred space post-break up. Yoni steams, cleansing baths, sage and meditation are a great place to start. Even simply putting your hands on your sacred space and directing Divine energy flow can make a world of difference.

For those with a womb, that is one of the biggest energy receptors we have in our physical bodies. Take your time to nurture and love on your womb space. Tell it thank you, and that everything is going to be alright. We are very emotionally tied to this area, and gentle self care is paramount to the healing process.

3. Knut

Hey, just cause we’re temporarily celibate, does not mean we can’t have our things, ok. Masturbation and orgasms are an intensely spiritual practice. This, if any, is a perfect time to reconnect with our bodies. What we should do, if possible, is gently break off from using any external visuals to assist us. I’m talking porn, old pictures or videos, etc. Try to change your self-sexual relationship by exploring your body in new ways. Rub your arms, your legs, your stomach. Whisper and writhe to the beat of your own throbs and aches and try to achieve the big O based on physical rather than visual stimuli. Toys are great for this.

4. Move Around

Even if you aren’t a gym rat or sports fanatic, physical movement is key in supporting yourself through a tough emotional time. Start simple by doing a few stretches, or guided sun salutations on YouTube. Moving our body around helps with energy flow, and when we can connect movement with our breath, magic happens. Take this time to get centered and connect with the Source that runs through us all. You are a beautiful, direct conduit to God-conciousness. Never forget that shit, hoe.

5. Nurture Your Current Relationships

If you’re anything like me, you may tend to get super caught up in your partners. Now is great time to reconnect and strengthen your relationship with your day-ones. This could be your friends, your family, even your pets or plants. Let them know how much you appreciate them for all their words, care and support throughout the years. The most nourishing relationships we have are our platonic ones. We all get lost in the sauce, but always remember to bring the love around full-circle to the other precious ones in your life.

I won’t sugar coat it; break ups fucking suck. It’s layers of disappointment, sadness, loss and anger. However, with all the things that we can’t control in our situation, one thing we can control is our reaction, and the ways that we choose to nourish (or starve) our souls in the wake of a love lost. Wishing you all the magic, happiness and skin care in the Uni.

-Chloe